Down to the roots

This image gave a graphical representation to a feeling that I had for some time: the implications of my beliefs. When we begin to wake up or just do psychological work, we realize that a -sometimes very large- serie of fears or reactions of ours is interconnected. In reality, this picture could make us infer that they all might be.

Staying with the feeling of the present moment takes me back along the branch that just showed up. The deeper I can follow that feeling to, the closer I get to the origin of the family of reactions and fears, and the more I actually liberate it. As if I lived with a pair of glasses whose lenses were covered by films, layered upon each other and maybe a little dirty: staying with the feeling allows me to check, and most of the time realize, that it is useless and has no reason to stay there. Staying with a feeling does not necessarily allow me to get right down to the root of the belief or fear, but film after film I do get down to the lens. I might even realize that even the glasses have no solid reason to be there.

After being with the initial reaction of fear, if not dismay, that this image brought up for me, I got the intuition that any one branch of this structure can lead me to the center, the nucleus. No need to take care of each branch, I have just to follow the path to the core to unravel the mystery and to access peace, which can only be accessed just now.

In fact in many places in spirituality you hear mentions that the only thing to remove is the identification with the false self. Worth reminding: by identification I refer to the conviction of being someone or something different from what I really am. Unfortunately the fact that such identification is extremely well rooted is often omitted, and realizing intellectually that it is false does bring benefits, but does not free me.
The first understanding, that I just called intellectual but can also be more profound, allows me to realize that reality might look different if I look closer, and prepare the exploration that leads to an actual liberation.

The game is to follow the lead that the feeling gives me, by putting my attention to its manifestation in the body (keep in mind that many sensations occur in the head), and keep it there while it persists. Every sensation has the power to bring me back to peace, and this is what happens if I have the courage to welcome and follow it. Over time I noticed that by following the sensations, my internal space of peace widens. By following the feelings I explore and clean up the area.

An important note: the reason why I usually run away from feelings is that I am terrified of what they typically trigger, i.e. the Babylonia of fears, thoughts, assumptions and imaginary conclusions that makes me feel bad. Staying with the physical sensation prevents that reaction though, severing the connection between emotion and the streaming of absurd ideas we are accustomed to.

It’s just a different way of describing what the article “Bring that candle around your depths” mentioned….

One last observation: freedom does not mean no more unpleasant sensations. The difference lies only in what I do with the feelings that arise.

Picture: courtesy of https://www.facebook.com/FansOfCognitiveNeuroscience

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Bring that candle around your depths

When you find the light within, you know you can access it. Call it recognition of yourself, awakening, or else, you know you have been changed, and Grace has entered your reality. That, normally, does not mean that the clarity it brings will affect all of your earthly experiences. Quite often we tend to develop  frustration on the topic, since at this point we can distinguish when the light is on and when it is not, we feel pain if it isn’t and we can’t stand going back to old repetitive patterns, which at this point become even more annoying.

Recognition needs to be integrated. This, in practical terms, means that you want the sparkle to spread out into the entirety of your human experience. How should you do that?

Imagine that the sparkle that entered yourself is a fire. Once you light it, it’s not going to extinguish itself. You can actually grow it bigger, usually by practice of some sort or by “trying to be present”. It will affect you, but ultimately it is extremely difficult that just out of that practicing it will enter every corner of your being. In fact you could say that once you light the fire in your cavern, it will brighten it but, because you are so much vaster than you think, its capacity to guide you will be still somewhat limited. As soon as you turn around the wrong corner, being it relating or some area affected by old pains or clutter of some kind, you will experience darkness again. What comes with it, is that most spiritual seekers will normally do the opposite of what is needed: meditate some more, and keep off dark spaces. Or become frustrated, maybe even teach so that they can get some confirmation that they are “perfect” as they are and brighten up the initial fire. Maybe ego is no longer in perfect control, but it has still quite some grip and can reinvent itslelf in a new, subtler and more acceptable version.

What needs to be done is integration. Because your fire is not going to be exhausted, you can start going around your cave, and the world, bringing a candle with you. Yes, go towards dark places. Let them suck you in at whatever depth. You have the candle with you. You will need to move slowly, humbly, of course, but do not worry too much because existence only gives you what you can handle. Gently and willingly enter those places with your candle, let yourself be consumed by that darkness. What actually reveals itself, is that if you do go into those corners as the light that you are, you will notice that obscurity not only gets enlightened by your candle, but it starts firing up itself. Yes, your obscurity, your pains, your fears, your gloom, are made of fuel, and as you enter them consciously and willingly stay there, not only the pain at some point seems to dissolve, but it turns out that it reveals itself as Love, the highest quality fuel for your candle.

How do you deal with the pains? Feel them. At the physical and/or energetical level: when something comes up, gently move your attention towards it, towards the area of the body where the feeling or the contraction appears, and sit with it for as long as you can, and as long as it is there, possibly be mindful of it even while doing other things. Do not run away. Just a little practice will show you that you can and it is not hard, not nearly as difficult as you imagine. You might also get “downloads” afterwards, understandings about it (do not look for them, especially initially or you will just approach it from your mind, which would be useless at best). It is a matter of relaxing in it. A little bit like entering a new area of the cave and becoming comfortable with the new space. It’s not new, most of the time, of course. It was just never entered consciouly, nor you ever tried to be comfortable in there. Still you will notice you can, and after a little practice you totally understand you should, since what you get out of that sitting is that you liberate that area!

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Most of these understandings, and the metaphore of the cave, came during my weekly session with Christine Wushke. A few more infos on hers might be found at the links below:

http://innerlightyoga.blogspot.ca/

https://www.facebook.com/let.your.heart.sing?fref=ts